My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
