The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
