Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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