I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
