cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
