I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
