We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I have post one night stand depression
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