So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
