My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
