She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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