Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
