I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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