Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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