ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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