dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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