Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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