I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
