Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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