So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
