You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
