Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
