The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
