Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
