I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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