I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
