Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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