How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
