How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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