i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
