I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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