dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
