Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
