Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
