Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Randomize
