What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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