They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
