I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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