Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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