her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
