i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
