bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
