I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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