Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
