I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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