He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
