Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
