At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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