Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
