wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
