Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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