He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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