some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
