I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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