Ambien. No doubt about it.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
