counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
