Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I want a musical about memes.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
